Posts Tagged ‘respect’

All Adults are Teachers

February 24, 2010

I recently attended a diversity program sponsored by the Oakland Teaching Fellows Program which is part of the Oakland Unified School District in Oakland, CA. One of the speakers was a principal who stated that at his school, every adult was considered a teacher. Besides the paid teachers, he saw himself as a teacher. He also saw and expected the lunch and custodial staff to be teachers as well. As he stated, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

On the way home, I started thinking if this same philosophy is being followed by soccer teams and leagues across the U.S.? My answer was, “Yes, but …”

I think soccer has made great strides in the past 30 years.

  • The Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA) has taken huge strides in teaching coaches to be more positive in their dealings with young players.
  • Parents are more involved in their children’s activity than ever before. Players feel supported and loved by their soccer moms (and dads).
  • Despite the questionable calls that are directed toward referees by coaches and fans alike, referees are supported and respected much more than any at time in the past.

But there is certainly room for improvement.

I always found it amusing when my kids blamed the referee for their losses or accused the referee of cheating. After a while though, their comments soon became old and habitual. But where and from whom did they learn these excuses? When I coached and my team lost, was I blaming the referees for the loss? I don’t think I was. But I know I am like many coaches I see today. While most coaches will say at the end of a game that the referee had nothing to do with a loss, during the game, coaches will constantly question calls and voice their displeasure. So I guess my kids did learn this behavior from me.

Most parents are great. But I still see parents do inappropriate things.

  • Some parents coach their kids from the sidelines. These parents are usually saying one thing and the coach something else. This conflicts the player because who should the child listen to, the parent or the coach? This action also undermines the credibility and authority of a coach.
  • Some parents openly question the calls and competencies of referees, regardless of the referee’s age. Oftentimes, these actions exacerbate and validate frustrations that players may already have on the field.
  • Some parents engage in conversations with opposing players. Rarely are those conversations complimentary. Many times it is with players too young to know how to deal or cope with criticisms from adult strangers. This last action is inexcusable. I know most parents would not like it if their child was being criticized and questioned by the other team’s parents.

Soccer has definitely made great strides in teaching our children about sportsmanship, respecting the other team’s players, coaches, and fans, and even respecting the referees. But we certainly still have a long way to go, including yours truly. If all parents can assume a teaching role this season and accept the responsibilities that go with it, we will be teaching our children to be better players and people.

Good Captain Examples

October 15, 2009

I always like to see or hear about good soccer captains in action, especially at the youth level. This past Sunday, I was fortunate to witness 2 such captains.

The first example involved a U15 game I center refereed. The captain for the away team was a phenomenal athlete, scored a hat-trick which included an incredible diving header and a dummy that he dummied to himself similar to Pele’s attempt the 1970 World Cup (see below). Yet he was extremely humble, very well-mannered, and did everything in his power to always avoid making contact with the opposing goalie.

The other example involved my daughter’s U18 team.

My daughter was having words with some of the opposing players during the game. After her team won 1-0 and the teams met to shake hands, one of the opposing players deliberately retracted her hand from my daughter. When this happened, my daughter looked back said some not-too-choice words. Then she was intentionally showered with water.

My daughter was already in a bad mood. She was lectured to by the referee during the game and she did not get as much playing time as she thought she deserved. Then she was showered by her own captain. That was the last straw. She collected her bag and went to sit in the car. Who could blame her?

To the captain’s credit, she sought out my daughter. She first found my wife and shared with her what had happened.  The captain witnessed the whole incident … the retracting of the hand and the words that followed. Knowing my daughter, she was concerned that the situation could potentially escalate and turn ugly. With little time to react, the she decided to literally and figuratively cool things down.

My wife directed the captain to our car where my daughter and she talked it out and put the incident behind them.

Though her method was unconventional, I want to give the captain her ‘props’. During the traditional handshake, she was doing what all captains should do … reading the situation and looking out for their teammates. She did not let the situation get out of control because of a disrespectful act. And most importantly, she sought out my daughter to explain her actions and make sure my daughter was OK. Had that final conversation not taken place, my daughter would have carried that resentment with her for a long time. As it turns out, my daughter now respects the captain even more, as do my wife and I.

Good job captains. Keep up the good work.

If you have good examples, it would be great if you shared them with us.

2-3 Goal Difference Per Game: Good Sportsmanship

September 3, 2009

In many ways, it is disappointing that I am writing about good sportsmanship making a 2-3 goal difference per game. In an ideal world, we–players, coaches, and parents–would all exhibit good sportsmanship. Unfortunately, we know that this is rarely the case. But those teams whose players, coaches, and parents exhibit good sportsmanship will have an advantage over a team of poor sports in the eyes of the most important person/people on the soccer field–the referees.

Referees are just like you and me. They love the sport of soccer, don’t like individuals who complicate their lives, and like all of us, make mistakes. Referees are human. And because they are human, they will see and appreciate good sportsmanship.

These are some examples of good sportsmanship:

  • If a player fouls an opponent, have the player who committed the foul ask the opponent if he is OK. Extend a hand to help him up.
  • Don’t argue or talk back to the referee. If he made a bad call, keep in mind that the referee has made far fewer mistakes than your players.
  • Be respectful.
  • If an opponent is upset at a player and tries to provoke a confrontation, ignore the challenge. Walk away and let the referee handle the confrontational player.
  • Adhere to the referee’s pre- and in-game instructions. If you are supposed to sub at midfield, sub at midfield. If you and your players are supposed to be 4 feet off the touch line, be 4 feet off the touch line.

As a referee, my job is to judge and call a game with complete impartiality and neutrality. To the best of my ability, I always try to live by this principle. But I am human. I notice and appreciate well-mannered players, coaches, and parents. I also notice and don’t appreciate poorly-behaved players, coaches, and parents. Therefore, if I am a referee:

  • Would I withhold issuing a yellow card on a hard foul if the player who committed the foul shows remorse and compassion toward the fouled player? Maybe.
  • Would I only show a yellow card instead of a straight red on an extremely hard foul if the player who committed the foul shows remorse and compassion toward the fouled player? Maybe.
  • Would I not punish a well-mannered coach and team if  he accidentally had too many players on the field? Maybe.
  • Would I call a direct free kick instead of a penalty on a foul committed by a well-mannered and respectful player that took place only a few inches inside the penalty area? Maybe.

As you can see, I have listed four infractions that if called differently, could have had a huge impact on the outcome of a game. Not that good sportsmen and well-behaved players should ever get favorable calls. But I know for a fact that exhibiting this behavior and character can’t hurt. However, good sportsmanship and behavior should always be practiced, PERIOD! It will make the beautiful game that much more beautiful.

Counter Strategy

This one is easy. Show better sportsmanship and behavior than the opponent. Remember, soccer is not just about winning games. It is also about teaching and building character. No one likes a poor sport.